He's handsome, funny, sweet and quite possibly the guy you imagine yourself marrying some day. You have fun together no matter what you do. And lately you've been spending so much time at each others' places that you're starting to think you might as well move in together.
Saying goodbye to dorms and five-person apartments sounds pretty appealing. You picture a charming little apartment where you begin and end each day together in a big comfy bed. You imagine waking up and sharing a romantic breakfast, cuddling on the couch every evening watching your favorite shows together, and even sharing the sink as you both brush your teeth. It all seems to be so picturesque.
But before you dive into college cohabitation, there are some important factors to consider. Studies show that living together can decrease satisfaction/happiness in the relationship and increase chances of relationship ruin.
Benefits
Drawbacks
There seem to be more drawbacks than benefits. But for some couples, cohabitation is great.
Some Tips:
If you're determined to defy the odds and move in together...
Saying goodbye to dorms and five-person apartments sounds pretty appealing. You picture a charming little apartment where you begin and end each day together in a big comfy bed. You imagine waking up and sharing a romantic breakfast, cuddling on the couch every evening watching your favorite shows together, and even sharing the sink as you both brush your teeth. It all seems to be so picturesque.
But before you dive into college cohabitation, there are some important factors to consider. Studies show that living together can decrease satisfaction/happiness in the relationship and increase chances of relationship ruin.
Benefits
Rent
If you constantly spend consecutive nights at each other's places, it can be financially beneficial to share an apartment.
Test Drive
You'll be testing your compatability of living together before actually saying "I do."
Intimacy
Living together will take you relationship to a new level of comfort and closeness.
Fun!
Of course it's fun and exciting to move in with your bf. Sharing meals, sleeping together, discovering things about each other that you wouldn't otherwise.
Drawbacks
Decor
You may loathe his posters of scantily clad, anatomically flawless Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. But he probably isn't crazy about your "The Notebook" and "Letters to Juliet" memorabilia. To you, his massive Lazyboy is fugly. Be he probably hates your vintage bed just as much. So be prepared to compromise when it comes to merging style.
Intrusions
It's normal and healthy to spend time away from your guy and vice versa. But with cohabitation, you risk him busting in on your girls' nite. And you have to put up with his friends coming over and playing video games all the time.
Lifestyle Differences
You might need the tv or stereo on for constant background noise. He might need utter silence in order to study. He might roll the toilet paper over while you roll over. Talk about these issues before conflict arises.
Old Married Couple
By moving into together, you're sacrificing a major part of dating. And while during the "honeymoon stage," you both may enjoy playing house... the newness will fade. And all of the sudden you might miss just being bf and gf with your separate spaces and independent lives.
Heartbreak
If the relationship ends, the heartbreak is likely to be more devastating. Getting over a bf or break-up is easier if you haven't been living with the guy for months or years. While divorce is more painful, breaking up after cohabitating can have similar feelings of loss.
Too Much Time Together
You and your bf may get so caught up in playing house that you start to neglect other aspects of your life. And too much of a good thing can turn into a bad thing. You could get sick of each other or worse... break up.
Too Little Time Together
On the opposite end, since you live together you may put off spending "quality time" together because you assume you can always do that later. And your relationship will suffer from such neglect.
There seem to be more drawbacks than benefits. But for some couples, cohabitation is great.
Some Tips:
If you're determined to defy the odds and move in together...
Plan B
(No, not the emergency contraceptive... although that might be wise, too.) Have a back-up plan just in case living together doesn't work. If you suddenly can't stand living in the same apartment for another night, be sure that you have some extra money set aside for a hotel room or a friend who is willing to let you crash with her until you can make other arrangements. And don't be afraid to back out of cohabitation. If it isn't working, backing out just might save your relationship.
Figure Out Finances
Address rent, utilities, groceries and other money issues from the start. Money can be easy to fight over. So the sooner you sort out financial responsibilities, the better prepared you'll be if conflict arises.
Assign Chores
Figure out who is going to do what before the mess occurs. Taking out the trash, doing the dishes, laundry, etc. You don't want to take it all on. After all, you are his girlfriend... not his maid.
Fight Routine
To prevent becoming too routine and feeling like an "old married couple," go out together. You're still dating, so go on dates! It keeps the relationship alive and exciting. And it combats boredom.
Be Open
You're gonna have to tune up your communication skills if your heart is set on cohabitation. Even if you've never fought before, you two are destined for arguments once you're under the same roof. Don't stress, just communicate and fight in a healthy way. Don't fume in silence... that only leads to exploding later on.
Right Reasons
Don't move in together for the wrong reasons. (i.e. convenience, sex, lower rent, feeling pressured by your partner.) Make sure you're both committed to and fully prepared for moving in together.
Be Fair
Be true to yourself. If he's been bugging you for months to move in with him, don't give in just to shut him up. Only do it if it's comfortable with you. And don't pressure him. Even if he gives in and moves in with you, chances are he won't be happy about it. And he might harbor a resentment that eats away at your relationship.
Prepare for Opposition
There may be friends, family, and other people in your life who disapprove of cohabitation for one reason or another. They may not believe in it due to religious reasons. Or they may have had bad experiences with cohabitation themselves. They probably have your best interests at heart. So don't shut them out of you life. Do what is best for you and your relationship, but don't shut out others' words of advice.
Ultimately it's your decision, but consider this:
Are you wholeheartedly prepared to accept the changes (both good and bad) that cohabitation will bring into your relationship? Is moving in together worth the risk of cohabitation having a ruinous effect on your dating? And... what's the rush?
With college and all of its associated stress, the safest and smartest way to ensure that your relationship lasts is to NOT move in together. You and your bf are still young and not only have a lot of discoveries to make about others, but about yourselves, too. Leading separate lives will give you both space to branch out, try new things, and focus on academics without putting the tension of shared space, finances, and chores on your relationship.
